B-School Creatures

Hey guys!

How is it going?

First of all, thanks but no thanks for a new name, Ricky Bahl (a few people have rechristened me, lately). I am neither a conman nor I have that charm. There is no connection whatsoever except for the fact that the movie is releasing on my Birthday. I would have preferred Ricky Ponting. Though, I kind of, hate him too.

Well, it’s about 5 months now, since I am in a relationship with this city and institute. And like any relationship, in about 5 months you start recognizing patterns.  Interesting thing about identifying patterns is, some of them give you that much needed edge; some are just useful for giving gyan while for others you wish, you should not have discovered them at the first place. Anyways, oops it’s ANYWAY ,(as I was corrected by someone only to find out that even I was correct, but just informally, that too only in US and Canada) this last sentence has got nothing to do with the post, just wanted to make a point. Yeah, I know it is incorrect usage of anyway. Anyways, it should be “By the way.”  

Please continue reading, even I am still trying to figure out, what I meant exactly. The following part is far more interesting and much simpler to understand.

Based on the traits, personality types, preferences and behaviours, I have classified B-schools students into following categories. Read it and tell me which one are you?

SWAN (Fancy item)

These are the ones who wear expensive clothes. They reply in English irrespective of the language in which the question was asked. They crave for attention and usually get it too. They socialize only with other swans but sometimes mistake a crow for a swan. Generally, they don’t have much money but they give an impression that they own a Rolls Royce. Usually, a female swan falls for a male swan and vice versa.

CROW (The Wannabe fancy item)

These have characteristics similar to swan except for the fact that everything they do have got WANNABE written all over it, that too in upper case. They wear expensive looking clothes and have an accent which will make a BPO guy jealous of them. They speak in English even with a guy/girl from their own region. They socialize only with other crows, and at times with swans, if they get lucky. They too crave for attention and rarely get that. They can’t take down even a simple definition without asking questions. They literally worship swans.

TIGER (The Prince)

These are genuinely good people. They have the money but not the attitude. They are usually quite witty. They never ask stupid question for class participation marks. They are weak in English but great at building relationships. They are the ones who own an Apple or a Blackberry but use them only for texting and calling.

LION (The King)

This species is extinct in some colleges. The basic difference between a lion and a tiger is 20 lakhs their fathers have paid to get them a seat in college along with a license to do whatever they want. They can have characteristics of a tiger or of a swan. They are the ones who come to college in their CRV or Civic.

DOG (The faithful friend)

They are the Stairway to Heaven of college creatures. They are one gem of a species. They are friendly, helpful, caring, affectionate etc. etc. They are the one who will cheer you up when you are down. They will lend you money even when they themselves don’t have it. They will socialize with anyone and everyone. They are extremely popular and are the life of any campus.

DONKEY (The useless hard-worker)

These are the ones who study for 4 hours everyday and still are in the bottom half of the merit list. They go to gym for months (to loose some weight) and end up gaining weight. They always curse God, system and anything they can think of, but it’s never their fault.

TORTOISE WITH WINGS (The winner)

They are complete opposite of Donkeys. They also work hard but are also rewarded for it. They are good in anything they do.

RABBIT (The multiplier)

Usually, a couple belonging to this species is found in vacant class-rooms, empty corridors or a lonely corner. A few brave couples don’t mind doing their things out in the open. They indulge in activities, which virtually everyone enjoys watching alone but label it as cheap and tacky when they are accompanied by someone. They are always on the radar of gossipmongers.

RAT (The Desperate)

The biggest dream of a rat is to become a rabbit one day. The sex ratio of this species is heavily distorted. There are only 56 females for every 1000 males. They want to get into a relationship anyhow and lead a life of a typical rabbit. They have an extremely high failure rate with more than 93% of the population fail to achieve their primary objective.

Note: The first five species are based on personality types and is what I call the major. Nearly everyone of us belong to anyone of the five. Next four are more behaviour oriented and are called the minor. These, generally, varies with time. For example a person can be both a donkey and a tortoise at different points of times. Also, a major and a minor are not mutually exclusive. Infact, they are complimentary. A Lion can also be rat, or a Dog can also be a tortoise.

So here is the Zillion Rupee question. Which one are you?

As you all know, I am from Madhya Pradesh the land of Khajuraho temples, I can screw you guys in more ways than you can count. So, dare not criticise it.

God Bless  :)

The Fairer Sex

Hey !

Hope you guys remember me. It’s been quite some-time since I have written anything. The primary reason for an extended breather is that I am sick and tired of writing about college and my life experiences, which happens to be my signature genre. All this while I was searching for a dhinchak topic, and finally, I found one. Well it is one of the most alluring topics of all time. Geo-politics, para-normal, football, showbiz and all are right up there, but I think “Women” beats them quite comfortably. It is certainly not the easiest of topics to write about. Many great souls have tried and failed but I am going to give it a shot. It’s my Great Leap Forward and I can just hope that it does not go the same way it went for Mao Zeodong. I don’t consider myself capable enough to do justice with a topic as matured as this, so I have looked outside for inspiration. This piece is not entirely mine, it has literally got a lot of Chetan Bhagat in it. And by literally I mean literally not figuratively. So let’s kick-start.

Imagine a world without WOMEN.

There are two schools of thought. One believes that the world would have been a much more peaceful place. Some of the most devastating events in the history of mankind would not have happened. For instance, no Ramayan, no Mahabharat and no battle of Troy. Life would have been a lot simpler, atleast we won’t have to study them. Ofcourse, it would have been a tad bit boring too, with those TV series and movies missing from our lives. But that is a different story.

The other school of thought, of which I am also an insignificant part of believes that without women the world  would be full of messy, aggressive and egomaniacal males , trying to outdo each other for no particular reason. There would be body odour, socks on the floor and nothing in the fridge to eat. The entertainment industry would die. Who wants to watch movies without actresses? There would be no Bond girls, no penthouse, no playboy, no mujra, no cabre and no item numbers. Virtually all shopping malls will record huge losses. Kids would be neglected and turn into drug addicts or psychopaths by age 10. Soon, all-male world leaders would lose their tempers at the slightest provocation, and bomb the guts out of each other's countries. In short, without women and their sanity, the world would perish.

Well it really doesn’t matter to which school of thought you belong to, WOMEN are a reality. So let me start something about women with a cliché, that Women are complicated. Well it’s not really a cliché, it is a classic. And anyways, a cliché is a cliché for a reason. For this particular reason, I am unable to understand some of their choices. Correction – most of their choices. Be it a glittery pink 15000 bucks cell phone or their hair-colour or for that matter their attire on a special occasion. I respect pink, it gives me that metrosexual look, but I can’t stand a pink laptop, scooty or a pen-drive. The weirdest of all is their choice of Men. I have seen prettiest of girls going out with guys with whom even I would not have gone out, if I was a girl. And by my current looks I would not have been more than a 5. Well few girls do have a good taste, as they like me. Well, I appreciate that, I really do. Another interesting fact is that invariably all women are attention seekers. They love to be adulated. They like it if someone constantly reminds them how beautiful or special they are. This is evident from the fact that they spend hours for getting ready for a stupid visit to a shopping mall. Even the best of friends compete for attention, atleast at sub-concious level if not consciously. One very interesting fact about Women is that they have a very high EQ. They know your intentions better than you know yours. Also, they are emotionally driven, they do things based on how they feel and rationalize their actions to themselves later. A little tip for guys, if you can use this thing to your advantage you will be a lot more successful with girls. But the problem with that is they know it too and they are using it to their advantage for ages. Jab ladki kandhe par sir rakh ke roti hai toh ghanta samajh aata hai kya sahi hai, kya ghalat. Women are supermanagers, they don’t need this over-rated MBA. It really fascinates me how a girl can go on a movie with you, then go to a friend’s party in the evening, still able to call you in the night and you are the one who ended the call because you were feeling sleepy and she goes on to score a 85 in the exam next day. In later stage of life, she balances her work, family, social life with much ease. They are exceptional with managing time, money, work etc. Well, I have more facts about women, specially some data on infidelity and all, but let’s save it for some other day.

They say if you can’t get a girl, then by definition you are a sterile. I am neither a player nor an average frustrated chump. These are few of my tips, take it or leave it, your wish.

1.      Never act desperate in front of girls, they can smell it from miles. Even if you are desperate, never show it to her.

2.       Tease her with attention. Give her full attention one day, ignore her completely the next day.  Chances are she will fight for your attention, but only if your attention is worth fighting for.

3.      Keep changing your image between a good and a bad boy. Most girls are attracted to bad guys but gradually bad boys lose their sheen. Once you have made your impression, its better to switch over to a good guy. And by good boy, I don’t mean a wuss.

4.      Try staying out of Friend zone. Make your intentions clear upfront else you might end up being “just friends”.

5.      Don’t play touchy feely guy, if you are not comfortable with it. If a girl feels that awkwardness, game over.

That’s it for the day. If anyone of you is offended by anything written here, keep it to yourself. I don’t give a damn. I am from Madhya Pradesh, the land of Khajuraho temples, I can screw you in more ways than you can count.

Have Fun.

God Bless J

SOURCES OF INSPIRATION :

Chetan Bhagat’s “Don’t worry, be happy” article in TOI dated July 17, 2011.

Papa CJ (stand-up comedian) for a ripper of a closing line.

College 2.0

First of all , a very Happy Independence Day to you all . Its been 64 years now and in this span there are atleast 640 things about this great nation , I am extremely proud of and 6400 things , I am not so proud of . By next year I want the numbers to be interchanged . As if now , its like pulling a polar bear out of the hat . But I do have a ray of  hope . As Andy said , Hope is a good thing , maybe the best of things , and no good thing ever dies (Shawshank Redemption ).

Last year on Independence day , my facebook status was “ Whats wrong in showing our patriotic side only twice every year ? Atleast we show it . :X “ Somehow , this year I don’t feel that way .  Will dedicate an entire post to it , but not now , or else I will be doing exactly what I said last year  . Meanwhile , lets get started with something related to the title .

Well after the cultural programme for the Italians , midsems , fresher party , a disciplinary note against my name for bunking library class , QT end term , Independence Day celebrations and a wonderful trip to Wonder La amusement park , finally I am feeling like I am in a college again . And coming back to the party , you guys rocked like anything . Hope you guys also got a glimpse of Nawab and his lifestyle .(Only for those , who have read my previous post )

Two months ago , I was living a fairly decent life . Used to wake up at 11 , sleep again at 2 wake up at 5 . Have a shower , pull on my jeans and hit the road . But used to have a dream , and the dream was to do an MBA from a reputed college in a decent city . These days , I am waking up at 7:45 ( ok ok 8:25 ) , attending classes 9 to 4:30 , making presentations and preparing for tests after that . If I am lucky , I get a chance to explore the city once every week . Here , I am at Bangalore living my dream . And Given the weather in Bangalore I am living a wet dream .

Jokes apart  , many of us (including me ) are quite cynical about this college . No night canteen , girls in time which got outdated even in the 70’s and code of ethics which I guess has more gravity than the constitution of India , are some of the common complaints . But , we need to accept the fact that we are here , and for two long years (atleast :D ). Yes , you could have landed in XYZ college but you can’t do a thing about it now . Ofcourse you have the liberty to opt out of the programme even now , but do that only if you are affluent ( MBA effect) enough , that you didn’t need an MBA at the first place . Yes , we have to sit roll no. wise , 6 days a week 280 days a year . Yes , there is no Sigmund Freud in the pedagogy .( Those who have read his creations would have guessed what I am trying to say :P). Yes , we are at times deprived of even physiological needs as per Maslov’s hierarchy of needs theory , and are asked to achieve self-actualization .( BTW , by physiological needs I meant water in boys hostel , what were you guys thinking ? huh ? ) But dude , thats life for you . No college is perfect .Get over it . You will face or have faced bigger challenges than this outside the campus . For most of us this is the best college we could have got into . If it is not the case , then its your fault and not college’s .  Take pride , you are in one of the best B-school of the country .

Almost everyone out here is in college for the last time . ( Unless you want to take up teaching as a profession or start a new venture in education industry ) So make the best of it  , have fun , be a kid once again , and a very curious one . Live your teenage all over again .Perhaps this is the last chance . Get your first crush for the last time , hit on girls / guys ( as per your gender or orientation ) , have a fling , two time , three time (or as many as you can handle ) , break a few hearts . Perhaps this is the last time , you can afford being a little reckless. Perhaps this is the last time you are spared of responsibilities . Hit the gym , attend a few conference calls (refer HIMYM season 5 ), experiment with ___(ab yeh bhi batana padega kya ? ), take very good care of your sick local guardian .( This one is only for girls :P ), go for out of town trips ( during sembreaks , ofcourse ). Implement what you have learnt in economics , “maximization of satisfaction .” Do anything and everything you can within the law. (of college and country ) Occasional bending of rules is allowed . If Lord Krishna can do it , why can’t we ? Few years later , while sitting in the sea facing cabin of your office  , you will be nostalgic about a particular  “ Tu mera bhai hai moment “ and not about an A+ in OB-1 . I am willing to sacrifice 0.5 lac / annum from my starting salary to experience as many of these moments as I can . But , the big question is “Are You?”  Don’t get too involved in getting an A in a particular subject , instead do something that you love , take some time out for it . Your grades will get you a decent first job , but your passion will help you achieve greatness .

If any girl , by any chance , is inspired by this post ( particularly the last part ) , feel free to hit on me or cheat on your current boyfriend with me . I will try to co-operate to the best of my abilities .:D

If anybody feels offended with anything written here , I am awfully sorry .

GOD BLESS . J

Perky Prince to Nonentity

Disclaimer : This is more or less a true story with traces of fiction at appropriate places , any similarity with a person living or dead is purely intentional .

Once upon a time , in the city of lakes Bhopal , there lived a boy . I don’t remember his name and I think thats not even important . As Albert Einstein rightly said ,” whats in the name ?” or was it Dan Brown ? eh ? , For convenience sake let’s call him ‘M’ . But I do remember what his friends used to call him , they used to call him ‘Nawab’ and this guy certainly used to live up to that name . Just for the records , he did not have those “Nawabi Shauks” you guys are thinking of . During his school , engineering and post engineering days  , this guy has done it all , from chasing girls 20 kms on a bike , just to know their address to chilling in the Sheesha Lounges and placing a bet on any team playing against Manchester United that weekend . ( He was a die-hard anti – MU , SAF , CR7/CR9 and WR8/10 ) . Sitting on the staircase in front of CCD with friends and commenting on each girls dressing style , having RS at Prakash Dhaba to Long Island Iced Tea at Noor-Us-Sabah palace , hitting on neighbours living on either side of his house , driving 30 kms at 3 a.m to have poha . (Who cares about petrol prices when you are provided with two cars and 60 litres petrol per month in each of them by the state Govt.) , watching superflop movies in their third week with his girl , this guy had done it all . To cut the long story short this guy used to live life KING SIZE or rather PRINCE SIZE if we go by the title . Even after all this , his  cousin ‘H’ or the Nawab of Raipur/Pune used to complain that M needs to get a life , well H is from a different planet altogether , will talk more about him some other day . All this while M used to think about himself as creative types and wanted to study in a Communication Management B-School , somewhere in the Modi-land . Fortunately / Unfortunately , he didn’t make it to the B-School of his dreams and landed in a very disciplined Bangalore B-School . Well adjusting in  to this place was tough , even for him  . Never in his life was he exposed to such diversity , he and his roomies were separated by the Tropic of Cancer  . Even in this diversity there were not many  girls comparable to his girl , and unfortunately those who were had an awful taste with guys .People were very different from the ones he knew till then , they were thinkers , planners , strategists . They even have a strategy to woo a girl  . There was a rat race all around . M never took part in the rat race as he believed that the winner of a rat race is always a rat and that he is a cat , and by cat he didn’t mean a pussy cat ( No pun intended ) .  In the very first week itself he found out that MBA is nothing but an art of complexifying simple things and then take pride in solving them . But it was tough rather complex . 100% attendance for a guy who hasn’t cross 50% attendance mark in any of the 8 semesters of his engineering , relative grading for the guy who went with only 1 goal to all exams and that was securing 35 marks (even 30 at times and expecting a grace of 5 marks) .For the first week the M was happy but then he lost his zeal , energy  and enthusiasm . Some think of him as a flip-flop with well-defined on and off state . This B- School was an awful tasting medicine but I guess the patient much needed it . I have a little piece of advice for M , “ just have some faith .“(Much inspired by Lincoln Burrows of Prison Break ) What will happen to him , only time will tell . Till then all you guys out there , Just Have Some Faith .